Most of us think family violence will never affect our lives, and I was no different. I never thought I would experience it, but I did.

I’m a single mum to my 10-year-old son Luca, working as a solicitor. But when my now ex-partner moved into our home, our life took a dark and unexpected turn. A week after he moved in, he became abusive after drinking. One night, he punched through the sliding door and was smashing things in the house. He was bleeding badly, so I called an ambulance, but he became angry with me and violently pushed me over.

It’s only after our neighbours called the police and he was taken away that I realised I had bruising all over my legs and neck. It was such a blur. I may have lost consciousness, so I don’t remember what he did to me.

As a solicitor, I was able to get a protection order in place two days afterwards. Even though I knew what steps I needed to take, it was still so overwhelming. When Barnardos Social Worker, Anna, visited us to talk about the services they could offer us I felt a lot better. I was most worried about how the experience would affect Luca, because I was unsure how to talk to him about what was happening.

Having Anna there to navigate the emotional side of everything made me feel like he was getting the care he needed to get through it all, and showed me we weren’t alone.

For Luca, there was Barnardos’ Footsteps to Feeling Safe Programme – an excellent programme for children who have experienced or witnessed family harm. After seeing the amazing support
Barnardos was providing for Luca, I joined their Women’s Safety Programme. I attended weekly meetings where I felt safe to share my story and feelings with other women who understood the complexities of what I was going through. It also taught me to better understand abuse, learn to set boundaries, and recognise manipulative behaviour. And mainly, knowing that I wasn’t the only person going through this was so helpful, because I did feel
a lot of shame.

During that time, my ex contacted me to apologise. He was remorseful and embarrassed. It was hard for me then because I loved him, and thought that with a bit of work we could still have a future together. Eventually, he moved back in. Then, after another violent incident, I knew it was enough. My ex was arrested and I pressed charges. It was difficult finding the courage to stand up for myself, especially in court, but I wanted Luca to understand that people must be held accountable for their actions, and for him to have
good role models. I also wanted to make a difference for the next
woman who might be affected.

Since being charged, my ex has been in contact, apologising again. When I stood my ground, I started receiving abusive and threatening messages. At times, I’ve felt guilty and upset, but I’ve also learnt that I was living in a cycle of abuse, and over time, he had conditioned me to feel that way.

I now know I won’t wake up tomorrow and say I’m healed. It might take a few years and that’s OK. I’ve come a long way, but I still have bad days. Something in my day-to-day life, like a loud noise, can quickly send me back
into having strong feelings of anxiety and fear. Being able to pop into Barnardos weekly coffee group really makes a difference.

I’m getting stronger. I’m focusing on my career, and having been through this experience, I may even specialise in criminal law. Most of all though, Luca and I are keen to have some peace. It’s been a tough year, and I think we deserve it!

I want to say thank you so much to everyone who has supported me and my son, as we work through our healing journey.

I know your donations to Barnardos will now wrap around other women and their children to make sure they start living free from violence. I just wish that the Women’s Safety Programme was available to all women, so that they could see the warning signs before it’s too late.

If you are, or someone you know is, seeking support, call 111 in an emergency, or reach out to Are you OK? on 0800 456 450, Women’s Refuge on 0800 733 843, and Barnardos 0800 227 267.

Shannon

Reclaiming life: a journey out of family violence