When Paula entered year 11, she found that her childhood, which had been free of challenges and difficulty, started to feel like a distant memory.

Things with her friends, those who had been friends for years, started to get complicated and confusing, she was left on seen, and her friends behaviours became unpredictable.

Paula found that things started to snowball from there - she was distracted and school got harder, she started to question her sexual identity, and she also started to become the victim of cyber bullying.

She suffered in silence and soon found she developed anxiety and depression, and before long she started to have frequent suicidal thoughts.

Finally she discovered 0800What's Up, where she found a counsellor who really understood her. She liked not having the pressure of a phone call, a chat box didn't feel as scary. She would use it when she was feeling the most overwhelmed, and eventually she started using it every week and she would come back to the same counsellor.

Finding trust

With each visit, Paula found it easier and easier to return. Paula didn’t have to start each session explaining why she was there and what had been going on - her 0800What's Up counsellor knew already, which meant she could spend more time talking about coping strategies, and reflecting on the situation in different ways. She remembers after a few weeks, it wasn't just that she needed to talk to 0800What's Up, but that she wanted to talk to 0800What's Up.

Paula's counsellor remembers that the first session was all about trust building with Paula, to show her that it was a safe environment to talk. For him, these regular chatters really allow the counsellor to see patterns of behaviour, because of the relationship and rapport that grows. Because Paula revisited over many months, her counsellor was able to really get deeper into the ongoing patterns, and was able to help Paula start to build goals, but from a safe and validated place.

"Using 0800What's Up turned my life around - it has made me feel so much better about myself. I am not suffering in silence, I don't experience depression and anxiety anymore, and I am pretty happy with my life. I am happy, healthy, and so glad that I started using What's Up," says Paula, who is a few years older now.

About 0800 What's Up

Barnardos is here for all children and teenagers in Aotearoa. 0800What's Up is a mental health helpline and online chat service. It’s a free, confidential, nationally available and answered by counsellors. Find out more about 0800What's Up.

If you know any tamariki and rangatahi between the ages of 5 and 19 who need someone to talk to, they can phone or e-chat from 11am to 11pm, 7 days a week on 0800 942 8787 or visit www.whatsup.co.nz.

"Using 0800What's Up turned my life around"