Barnardos’ Children’s Supervised Contact enables a child to spend time with a parent or family member with whom they do not have day-to-day contact. Trained Barnardos Aotearoa staff supervise all meetings and provide a controlled, safe, and caring environment for children and their family members. This supervision allows children to feel comfortable as they make contact or reconnect with a parent or family member who has been out of their life.

Gary was referred to Barnardos’ Children’s Supervised Contact Service just over a year ago to visit with his 11-month-old baby, Toby. Gary also had another, younger son, Alfie, with whom he wasn’t yet able to spend time.

During the assessment process, Gary struggled a lot. He wasn’t happy with the policy of ‘no phones’ during the time spent with his son. Barnardos Aotearoa staff worked with him to understand that one hour is not a long time to be without his phone and that this hour was time to spend with his son having fun and connecting with Toby.

When the visits started, Gary did respect the ‘no phones’ policy. When he arrived, he turned his phone off and put it on the table.

He was very nervous, but he came into the Supervised Contact space and sat down on the ground looking at Toby. Toby looked back. Straight away there was a connection.

Gary started to play with Toby, leading to cuddles and kisses; their bond was undeniable. However, it was clear that Gary was finding it difficult to read Toby’s cues and meet his needs. With support from Barnardos Aotearoa staff, Gary was determined to get on track to being a great dad.

A year later, it’s a different story. Gary has learned so much. His ability to parent effectively has improved exponentially. He easily makes and feeds Toby bottles. He’s mastered the art of changing the nappy of a wriggling toddler through play and is being guided by Toby’s cues when they play together. Now, Alfie can also spend time with his dad and brother at Supervised Contact.

Gary’s confidence has grown, and he has developed great skills as a young man and parent through the Supervised Contact programme. He can now easily manage both of his wee boys, giving them equal one-to-one time. He facilitates play altogether, ensuring safety during meals and cutting food appropriately.

Gary has also learned to show genuine love and joy for his sons. During their sessions, he has chosen to focus on their needs and enjoy their time together. He has fully embraced the opportunity to be a ‘proper’ dad to his boys. He has learned from Barnardos Aotearoa staff how to understand his sons' cues and meet their needs.

It has been a long journey for this family. Gary has been very patient, waiting for the process to allow Alfie to attend sessions, while still maintaining focus on Toby during their times together.

The family is still going through the Family Court process, so it’s unclear what the final outcomes might be. However, the positive changes in dad’s attitude, parenting capacity within his sessions, and ability to engage appropriately with his two young sons have been such a privilege for Barnardos Aotearoa staff to support and observe.

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